Blackbird
by chickapeea
Summary: Rey's companionship was a stronger urge than that of his title of Supreme Leader, sending a confused Ben back into her welcoming arms. Acclimating to normal life after years of unrest won't be easy, but Rey won't give up on him now. /Reylo/
1. Sentencing

_Deep, deep underground_

**HUX, ARMITAGE  
REF ID: 45529  
**

He was their prized possession - the Resistances cherry on top. Wanted dead or alive, and they managed to track him on a jettisoning escape cruiser to some farming planet on the outskirts of nowhere with nothing but two loyal troopers defending him after the war had ended. He'd skittered to the corner of the room, nearly tripping twice of his long lanky legs but regained composure out of adrenaline, stopping his fall from holding onto the cement wall.

"And what about him!?" He sauntered back to the five inch thick glass and bars that kept him confined, pointing his bony finger to the cell adjacent from his, door slightly ajar to nothingness. It twisted his insides, he saw the nameplate before they threw him in here. "What about him.." He hissed, voice lowering with pure hard boiled anger.

**SOLO, BEN  
REF ID: 19938**

The guard, who wore a thick padded vest underneath a hard coated enamel suit turned his head which adorned a large shiny black helm, and read the nameplate - as if he didn't know who was set to arrive next. The man grimaced behind the helmet, but Hux was unable to see. "Investigation and trial pending." The black helmet faced Hux full on. "Could have been you if your heart wasn't intertwined with evil." He walked off and Hux's blood curdling screams echoed only in his chamber.

And this was months ago.

Hux withered, and not because of neglect of prisoners well being from the 'resistance', he continuously kicked away food trays, slammed them against the wall until bowls broke and food splattered the walls, to which he would be escorted out with a metal box over his head until the room was set back to perfection. He sat in the corner, his limbs grew scrawnier than his natural state - which made him grimace, memories of his father picking on his naturally smaller physique came to mind. His facial hair sprouted, red coarse hair dropped down toward the floor, his hair longer than he had ever kept it, greasy and unkept. This was his protest until that cell across from his was filled.

See - he knew Kylo Ren had switched sides. Hux's stomach flipped at the memories - the murder of their supreme leader and Kylo believing he could fill those shoes. His brow twitched. He watched Kylo spiral into what he thought would be his life ending madness - or at least Hux had hoped for that in all of this chaos. It was his right to lead this army, the army he cultivated with the teachings of his father. Kylo was but a boy, a confused boy and had not one bearing to being a leader. Suddenly Kylo disappeared on a mission he claimed only he could complete - in regards to this Hux was met with a threat and a cold shoulder. Days later the Resistance had mustered the rest of what they could get to attack. The sweet taste of betrayal lingered to this day.

Today was different, he watched as a guard stopped in between his cell and Kylo's rightful one, and Hux could tell it was not feeding time. He scrambled to his feet and gripped the bars till his knuckles turned sheet white, watching the man like a starved predator. But he did not turn toward Hux, instead he took a step toward the empty cell and Hux swore he felt butterflies in there fluttering about, salivating at the thought of Kylo rotting miles underground with the people that wanted to tear him to shreds.

He heard a powered tool and his brows furrowed. "Is he being transferred?" He muttered, pushing his face against the cool bars to squint harder at the man, not loud enough to be heard over the tool. _Perhaps because he turned last minute he wont be in maximum detention. _His mouth tasted bitter - oh the pleasure he wanted to have seeing him thrown in there..

The powered tool shut off and the man took a few steps back, admiring something in his gloved hands, Hux peered as hard as he could but he didn't quite see what it was.

"What is that." He inquired calmly, thinking this may be the only chance he could ask with the little sanity he had left. The man looked over his shoulder and stared at him for a few moments before displaying what he had in his hand. Hux immediately noticed the tool that was clutched in the crook of his elbow, paid no mind to it and narrowed his vision to the hand.

Kylo Ren's nameplate.

"And why is that being removed - has the trial finished?" The guard remained silent. "He isn't getting maximum security - I'm right, aren't I? Blasted.." He could feel heat cover his face, red anger boiling from his toes to the hair atop his head.

Suddenly the guard laughed, a good hearty one at that, right in Hux's face. "He isn't getting no time in here." He removed his hand and snaked it into the pouch resting on his hip, making sure to zip it afterwards. "All Kylo Ren gets is a slap on the wrist apparently - not that most of us agree, but I'm sure you'll find that tidbit of information helpful in your years to come."

Hux ran his boney white fingers through the greasy tendrils of hair, pulled, and screamed in not half a second.

* * *

_Supreme Court, Jathea - Resistance & Newly Appointed Galactic Senate_

It was more than a slap on the wrist - that was for sure, but he took it, and grateful at that. The judge droned on above him on his elevated pedestal, his droopy eyes slowly reading lines from a long inscribed parchment...

_...to be monitored for a to-be-determined timeframe from an appointed guard..._

Ben didn't listen much. He heard the hustle and bustle beforehand of the '_this is what's probably going to happen_' spiel, told directly to him from people supporting him, and from hushed but not so hushed angrily spat words from base goers walking past him. His mother Leia had briefed him as well, as happily as she could, it was a glow on her face he hadn't seen once. Maybe that one time on the only 'family vacation' they'd ever taken on Hoth… He blinked the memory away - what mattered was that she had a new start to her step and he listened to whatever she wanted to tell him about this case, no matter how boring the whole legal semantics were.

..._a complete and irreversible personal ban on weapons of all kinds, including all previously owned belongings - such items will be surrendered to the senate..._

The court room was large, shaped like a cone with pews that were able to sit hundreds on stacked rows, and hundreds of people meant most of them were against this hearing. Ben could tell, he could see them in his peripheral shaking their heads, getting up to leave with clenched fists and begin arguments with those sitting next to them. He didn't blame them, for what he had done in the past and leading up until his eventual surrender and assistance, he assumed he would be thrown into the underground bunker where people go to rot into bones covered with a thin layer of skin. Amidst all this chaos, all these people of different races, species, faces, he could spot her instantly.

She sat on a lonely pew, on the edge, watching intently with those big hazel eyes, laden with worry for the lack of his own. It grew something warm inside of him, seeing her. It wasn't just this appearance - she had been present every day of the trail, and it was agonizing, at least he assumed so - being held in a temporary cell was definitely worse than hearing the jury, the Judge and many witnesses. She stayed through it all. Something she'd bring herself a lunch and he'd catch her mid-munch, they would lock eyes for a brief moment and she hurriedly chewed her bite. Sometimes she would get cozy and prop her feet up on the metal bannister - or most of the time, she sat on edge, her body squared, listening intently for brief sentences of law words she would want to research to have the most know how and help for afterwards.

An outcry of voices rang through the large room, it echoed in the silence, the judges voice had finished. Anger and dismay smeared on the faces of those who he'd hurt and disappointed. But Rey's face - that's all he wanted to see, and that big smile spread from ear to ear. It almost made him want to crack a smile - almost.

The viewers poured out first, ushered away from officers with long red neon batons pointing the way out, most wanted to grip the bannisters and yell that the judge had made a mistake and the underground needed a fresh resident. Ben watched Rey try to smoothly talk her way out of leaving to the officer but he just should his head, and she looked at him for a small moment before begrudgingly entering the hallway.

Afterwards Ben had shook the hand of the Judge and thanked him for his leniency - something Leia had told him to say - and not that he wouldn't use his sincere manners but he was glad she had to remind him, because he had far more on his plate. The guards guided him away from the courtroom and into a series of halls, where he went through more legal droning with a straight face, before he was allowed to have these laser shackles dismantled off his wrists. He rubbed the smooth skin of his wrists with his calloused rough fingers, the small hard bumps of skin tickled the sensitive skin.

The first to enter the room was Leia, who he had not seen in the courtroom but he didn't bother to chase faces after he had seen Rey, but he felt a wave of relief nonetheless.

The stood in front of him, almost looking unsure of what to say or do, a puzzled look donned her face before she shook it off and approached with open arms, closing him in on a motherly hug he was not accustomed to. The corners of his lips tugged into a smile, and he wrapped his own much larger arms around her tiny frame, she was so small her head just barely hit his chest. He thought back to the last time he had seen her, as a pre-teen that was, when she had made the decision for him to accompany Luke. He was just a smidge taller than her and it made him inwardly laugh - oh how the times have changed.

"Ben, I..." Leia had took a step back, keeping a firm loving grasp on his biceps, looking up at him with those eyes he had thought about many times. "I had always hoped this day would come." The guard excused himself to the darkened corner to give them some time. "Most people - they didn't believe, but I _knew_."

Ben showed her a small smile, one he didn't think she'd ever seen. "I didn't give most people the reason to believe."

"Only a few can sense what's in a persons heart." Leia intertwined her bejewelled fingers and lay them to rest at her abdomen. _My son is alive_. Hans words echoed, and although he was not force sensitive a bond of love can truly lead one to see. "Rey.. She could see it too. She fought tooth and nail for you."

"I don't deserve to have her on my side." He spoke from the heart, nothing but the truth, it was was she deserved. "Or you for that matter." When he first returned to his mother at the beginning-of-the-end of the war he was half expecting her to give him a big smack across the face with her jewelled hands, and maybe a fierce choke for what he had put her through all these years. Often times in his youth when he acted up Leia would smack him mildly across the back of his head, and what did he deserve after killing his father? Maybe he didn't understand the unconditional parental love she had for him, but as of right now it didn't make a whole lot of sense.

"You've got a fierce ally in her."

As if on cue, the spinning door curled in on itself and revealed a few silhouettes against the brighter lights in the corridor, he knew instantly of Rey, her smaller frame against those standing beside her. Her warmth radiated into the room immediately, followed by the crack of a toothy grin, but she stay planted where she was, unsure of if she was intruding into a intimate mother-son moment. Beside her Finn stood, his face was not so awestruck, instead closer resembled those who yelled after the judgement was declared. A pout, an angry one at that, and his eyes cold, staring into Bens own eyes. Ben drew in a sharp breath - this was a close friend of Reys and he would have to play nice. Not to mention the regime he helped lead tried to kill Finn numerous times.

A girl stood beside Finn, she too did not look pleased, but more of a monotone look she displayed. Her dark hair feathered at the ends, and her arms crossed over her chest. A glimmering half-moon sat atop her collarbone. He didn't recognize this one, but it was yet another connected with Rey that wildly disliked him. Ben watched the two leave and Rey entered timidly, after Leia had brought a hand up to usher her in.

"Well... That was an ordeal." Rey breathed out the pent up tension that had been lingering there for what Ben could only assume was this whole trial. "Even after I had been told what the Jury would most likely choose I still worried.." She shook her head at the mere ridiculousness with a sheepish smile creeping on her face. "And here we are."

"Here we are indeed." Leia smiled, bringing Rey into a tight hug, Ben watched with a ball of warmth in his stomach, Reys eyes fluttering shut, her curled eyelashes barely dusting her rosy cheeks. "Thank you so much for attending every hearing."

Rey stepped back, and shook her head with a smile. "Of course I wouldn't miss them, I couldn't let there be an injustice."

Rey had secretly met up with Ben, the holding cell he was assigned to was not heavily guarded, effectively making it easy for the scavenger to tinker her way through. She had knelt down and placed her face to the cool bars, eyes staring up at him when he had stood up with shock. He knelt down in front of her, wrapping his long fingers around the bar when he had eased himself down to her level, sitting down on the cold concrete at his feet. _I had to see you_. She whispered, a single light flickering from wires above their heads, illuminating small sparks in her orbs._ I don't want you getting in trouble just to see me_. Ben had voiced, his eyes occasionally darting to the revolving doors, where just on the other side an officers desk sat in the nook of a room. Rey snickered silently. _As if they'll get me in trouble, tiny slap on the wrist is all they could do to me right now_. Ben smiled. It had meant a lot she was willing to even get just a small slap on the wrist to come see him, he hadn't done much to deserve anything. _So why are you here then_. Rey looked down, suddenly the cheer left and the small light in her eyes disappeared, it now flickered on the hair atop her head. _I just didn't want you to be alone, or to think you're alone in this_. She raised her hand and warily covered his hand with her small dainty one. _I will attend every hearing_.

That was the only time he had gotten to see her up close since the war ended, now standing freely before her without constraints on left him unsure what to do. He had a lot of emotions, and things he wanted to say to her, explain, tell her.

But for now, all he could muster was a smile, and a "_thank you Rey_."

And deep, deep underground, Armitage Hux had been strapped down to a wheelchair. He thrashed and screamed, his mind absolutely obliterated. They wheeled him with grimaces on their faces, wheeled him down many corridors until they stopped before a large armored door. Men behind thick glass checked their ID's and allowed them access, the door hissing open, bright red lights spinning around. This made Hux stop, curiosity getting the better of him now, his ears opening as his vision was covered by a black sac over his head.

"Where am I going - tell me dammit!"

They wheeled him in further, and stopped before another door, using their own ID tags to open it this time. One of the large guards unstrapped him and threw Hux in, the thin mess tripping inside and landing on what he did not expect - it was cushiony.

By the time Hux ripped the hood off his head, leaving disheveled ginger hair, they had closed the door behind them. Now locked behind a door and in a mental cell - a padded one, Hux could only further dissolve into madness.


	2. Lunch Dates

_Poke poke poke_.

Lunch was awkward. Ben was to stay behind with a mass of paperwork to sign, giving away his right to bear arms and his personal freedom, and Rey assumed to meet his new 'babysitter.' It was unfortunate they couldn't share their first lunch on his release day but she supposed there would be time for that.

So for now she sat across Finn and Rose, and for once in this trio, silence fell over them, tense and silent, something Rey wasnt too keen with. She studied Finns face, downtrodden, his usual bright features sagged off his face as if he'd given up thr will to use his muscles. Rose followed suit, pushing around a bed of grains on her plate from one side to the next. Her knuckles were white and her brows twitched together, as if holding back on an explosion of words. Rey knew it was coming. They weren't usually the quiet ones of the bunch, so this was very far from their usual character.

"Well, I know this is coming." Rey shovelled a bite of meat and rice into her mouth, savouring the taste. She hadn't had the stomach to eat all morning, in fact not even for dinner last night - she knew Ben wouldn't be sent to the bunker down below but her nerves were frayed regardless and she couldn't wait for reassurance.

Swallowing the lump of food and waiting for it to slowly pass she started again. "You guys obviously have something to say. So just get it out."

Finn immedately layed down his fork on his plate wirh a small ding, it was almost as if he was waiting patiently for a grant of permission to speak his mind. His round dark eyes stared into Reys, it was uncomfortable, they used to be very kind and now she felt like she was under the microscope.

"I don't know how you could celebrate this." He threw his hands up dramatically, almost whipping Rose against her cheek. "Sorry.." He murmured quickly in her direction before letting the dramatics take over him once more. "I just don't, Rey."

He laid his hands on the table, his fingers curled in to make small fists. Rey stared down at them.

_That's okay. They don't understand what we have. _

"My sister died for the cause..." Rose whispered, and Rey immediately noted the shaky breath she took. "Fighting them, and she's not the only one. There's so many more stories like mine and hers ..." She snapped her head up to accusingly glare at Rey, her eyes wavering, her necklace bold across her chest. "It almost feels like it was somewhat for nothing. Letting one of them go basically unscathed! And not to mention it's damn _Kylo Ren_ that gets to walk free, one of the worst of them all. While my sister is dead."

"I understand." _Somewhat. But will they understand me? _"I'm in no way condoning his previous behaviour, believe me. He tried to kill me multiple times, as well as you Finn, but-"

"-how is there a but!?" Finn interjected, taking a stand with his significant other. "He tried to _kill you. _Kill others, with full intent to cause harm! Why the hell should that be set free!"

Rey set her fork down. Appetite lost, she instead rested her elbows on the metal tabletop and sat her chin on her sideways fist. Her patience was beginning to wear thin, and it wasn't because of her best friends interrogation, but because everyone thought they were entitled to her explaining this to them. It was mind numbing at this point, but she threw in extra effort because they were her friends.

"I know you guys, but you're not fully understanding the mental grasp Snoke had on Ben." Rey exasperated, heat flooding her face, she wasn't sure if it was caused from anger, frustration, or sadness. Maybe all three. She felt very strongly for his cause. "Years and years of mental anguish led him to that point-"

"Notice she calls him Ben." Rose noted, shooting Finn a side look, hauntingly angry, a look which led Rey to believe things would never be the same between them. Finn gave her a sympathetic look and nodded his head toward the exit, looking as if he was asking her to leave. "I'm gonna leave... This topic just makes me upset is all.."

Shakily, Rose curled her fingers under the lunch tray handles and lifted, sliding out from the bench pews with ease and sauntering off into the exit doors.

Reys eyes fluttered shut. It hurt. Rose would come around eventually but this looming feeling of resentment would hang over their heads for a long while.

"I'm sorry." Finn wiped his mouth on his napkin he slid from under his own tray. "I just dont know if I'll ever come around to this idea of him being _one of us. _His regime kidnapped me as a kid for all gods sake. People like that don't care. Plain and simple."

"But Finn, if you lay your stories atop each others you almost get the same thing. He was robbed of his childhood. Tormented and haunted by Snoke, everything taken from him, people turning on him, led on a course he didnt choose. Tell me you see it! You fought with them until you made the switch. It just took him a little longer."

Finn merely shrugged. "I stopped when I was faced with killing an innocent. Something they never got to take from me." He downed his last sip of water from the frosted glass. "Rose'll come around. Shes hurting, she'll need time."

With that, Rey watched her previous best friend excuse himself from the table to empty his garbage in the disposal and disappear into the vast expanse of hallways.

She let her eyes fall onto her plate, the once seemingly appetizing balls of seasoned meat and heapfuls of rice now sparked no urge to scarf it all down. These past few months were no easier for the once scavenger now turned hero. People either wanted to pull her aside to pull her into large lung squishing hugs, or, mostly this option, declared her stance on the Ben Solo trials wrong. For the most part she was ostracized by her community with shooting glares and low whispers, which normally she wouldn't have batted an eye at but ... _Well damn we just saved your lives! _

Ben played a prime role in the fall of the First Order. With key intel on weak points, cargo supply depots and his brute strength in combat there was no way they'd be the winning side. After Crait she thought he was gone, the light she had thought shed witnessed fizzled out with the remainder of most hope for the Resistance.

They'd hid away on Jathea with the remainder of their ships and allies, which was only a handful mind you, and skittered around like frightened rats. The First Order still had all the firepower, and with a depleted fleet, they had to sit in wait while scheming non stop. Leia hadn't slept much, sending out beacons and radio calls to whoever would listen with pleas and promises of a winning end game. They were too skittish to join up with their own fears of being oblitterated. Leia understood. Rey didn't. Finn and Rose trained, and as happy as that made Rey, it made her even happier to watch their young love bloom. She hoped it would come to full bloom one day, where they didnt have to look over their shoulders at a looming threat just overhead.

And Rey just... existed. Not that she wasn't helping in any way that she could, but her mind drifted easily. She'd feel Ben's presence casting over sometimes, but their comnection was dark, and silent as ever. She would reach her hand out in the darkness of her room and whisper his name in hopes of reconnecting. Rey hated being wrong but hated being wrong about _him_ was worse.

Then he came back to her. She had been tinkering on the falcon, some faulty wiring which was a normally wasy replacement for her own expertise but the location was awkward, contorted aroung piping to get to it. In the darkness she heard his voice. _Rey? _

"I nearly cracked my head right open.." Rey murmured to herself at the empty lunch table, eyes glossed over at the memory. Few peopled peered over to her with dissmissive looks.

_Ben! _She whispered, clutching the throbbing back of her head with her greasy palms. Rey twisted around to try and find him, but in the guts of the ship she saw nothing. But she felt him, and that's all she needed. But he had betrayed her, he let the darkness consume his mind after their fight together in Snokes lair. _What do want, why are you speaking to me now of all times?_ Rey crawled out of the pit and sat cross legged on the metal floor, throwing her tools into the plastic pail beside the grate. Confusion and anger boiled inside of her, thinking to herself that she couldn't take his flip floppy behaviour all the time.

Ben appeared before her. His hair wild, eyes dark and sunken. Purely and utterly defeated. He gazed down at her with a look she recognized from their elevator ride up to Snoke, when she could see the light beaming from his eyes.

Rey stood and instinctively reached out to him, touching his shoulder then the healing cut on his cheekbone. She felt him like he was in her reality, eerie really, but oddly comforting. The light was there, but it was shadowed by emotion. _Ben... What happened. Why now?_

_I need to come back. _His voice was hushed, as if not alone. He was their leader now, why abandon that? He reached up to touch her forearm with his index and middle finger, unsure of his words and his touch. Rey appreciated the gesture. _You__ were right. _

After lunch Rey meandered toward above ground holding cells, a short walk from the court where she last saw Ben. The halls were still frequented from people who wanted to lodge complaints against the judge and jury, all holed up angrily by the doors to the front office. She feverishly hoped they'd all forget it all and let it blow past but their twisted features and balled fists said otherwise.

Officers exited the rooms and ushered people away from the exits, their loud swoopong voices telling them that they cannot block exits, then extending their arms to form a line against the wall. As they all skittered about to form a line, some budging, they freed up the window and Rey could peer in curiously, keeping a safe distance from the crowd. She could see him standing in the connecting room to the office, he towered over his mother and the older female officer, such a big presense he was.

What would he do now? His freedom was next to nothing. Everything he grew up knowing was snatched away, did he have other hobbies? Rey smirked at the idea of a creative Ben, painting or carving out intricate details of a face with precision. No weapon hitched to his belt, he looked naked.

He caught her eye, just a sliver of his face turned toward her, the lights overhead illuminating his face. His expressions were hard to read, unchanging like stone but his piercing eyes always remained.

Rey raised her hand in a faint wave as she leaned against the cement load-bearing pillar in the middle of the hall, like a sheepish school aged child waving at someone who'd never notice her.

But of course he noticed her.

A mob of people were shooed away from an officer upon Leia's behalf, their squinting eyes peering in through the window, gawking at the show of the removal of his own weapons to the state. Through the silhouettes he saw her, cool, calm, and collected, being an ever so watchful eye. Though if he were being honest he'd rather nobody see him, he didnt argue against his restrictions but to be berated through 2 inch thick glass was tricky. He couldn't reprimand them or take their tongues for such an act.

Ben figured it was going to he a hard adjustment to normal life after all his shenanigans.

"This is Dal, he will be your officer through day shifts." The small older woman extended her arm to a young man in a grey uniform, his face earnest and hard, completely unbiased to the situation. He gave Ben a hard half nod.

Ben gave a slight nod back. What the hell was he doing - normal conversations? He barely had them. He didn't converse or surround himself with normal people. How does one act? He peered back at Rey. She would know, right? He shook his head slightly at the thought with an inward grimace. What a pair they were - him and the girl that raised herself alone on a junk planet. He was sure they would make do.

"So who's this?" Rey inquired curiously, peering over Bens shoulder to the man clad in uniform. He gave a curt nod in her direction but remained silent. Rey held herself back from embracing Ben in a tight congratulatory hug on instinct, though her desire to do so burned.

"He will be Bens guard." Leia began to explain after the three of them strode up to Rey beside the pillar. "We're hoping under good behaviour it wont be necessary, but for now its one of the lenient rules he has to play by."

Rey resisted rolling her eyes. Lenient they were but did these people not realise they would all he dead without him? She peered up into Bens eyes, and he did not resist his urge, she could see the dismal glare he had paired with a slight smirk on his lips.

_So a babysitter?_

Ben smirked again, the two of them spiraled into their own world of direct communication, Dal and Leia fizzling out at their sides like they didnt exist.

_Apparently. _Ben raised his arm to show off a thin wrapped wire across his wrist, just barely budding out from under his dark sleeve. _A tracker isnt enough_, _they think I need a newly graduated welp._

With a grimace, Rey retorted. _Well they can't spare people that have actual agendas on keeping an eye on a grown adult can they?_

Rey couldnt resist making snide comments to him. Apart from him taking them no problem now without blowing up, they're small slow burn veangences she thinks she's more than granted.

Leia waved a bejeweled hand between the two to snap them from their spiralling disassociation. Clutched in her fingers was a crisp sheet of paper. "Just so you know, Rey, much to Bens chagrin, he has to check in to the office every morning and night. Eight am and eight pm."

Rey pinched the sheet from the womans fingers and scanned her eyes over it. An official copy of every rule Ben has to abide by.

"Not allowed in any hangar bay?" She raised a quizitive eyebrow. "That's a load of dung."

"Can't have me taking one of the, what three broken down ships left?" Ben remarked with a grimace, matched by Reys own, and Leia's downturned smile.

"And who's fault is that?" Leia rolled her eyes with a small strike to his upper arm.

_So this is what normal feels like. _Rey thought to herself idly, watching mother and son banter like how normal people would. Leia would be the type of mom she would want, stern with a strong sense of what's right, and a quick wit. Ben was lucky to have her, and Rey could only hope he felt the same.

She stared further into the sheet of paper. _No access in the hangar bay unless written consent and appliable supervisors are present. Absolutely no possession of a weapon, ie. blasters, lightsabers, sabers of any kind, automated weapons, and denied access to controlling ship blasters. Full supervision within rights ie. all day supervision, night appointed guards are to stand watch outside quarter doors (personal use of restrooms exempt). _The rest were small trivial things, but added up this amounted to quite the list. Rey scowled. She understood the no weapons, and _kind of_ understood the restriction of entering the hangar bay. But to have a tracker on _and_ a guard? A guard, who Rey admits, would fail immediately in a one on one fight against Ben.

She kind of felt like they were prodding him in the direction of going mad.

By this time Leia had excused herself, she was a busy woman and all, leaving a small secret wink in Reys direction which Rey interpreted as a _please watch him _wink.

"Have you eaten today at all?" Rey folded the paper and handed it back into his hands, her finger brushing against the bare skin of the top of his hand. Immediate shivers crawled up her spine - she liked the feeling, she wanted to lay her hand there and feel the warmth of his own but she retracted, holding her hand near her chest. She'd held his hand in his holding cell, in their own private space, but in the openness of this headquarters frightened her - the commotion it would cause so early on wouldn't be good for him. "I've ehm, eaten already but I wouldn't mind accompanying you."

Ben reached the paper into the breast of his uniform. "I haven't, no. I haven't been eating much recently."

"Well don't get your hopes up, the cafeteria isn't the best." They started walking down the hall, officer Dal stalking behind them silently, like an animal prowling behind its prey. Rey eyed him over her shoulder. Wasn't she enough to watch over him?

Maybe the cafeteria was a bad idea. There were always server droids kicking about in the kitchen for the wandering stomach, but Rey figured the place would be deserted shortly after lunch. It was not, a handful of round tables were taken, but that was less than half the amount so they should be okay.

Eyes. Peeled open and curious. Squinting angrily, accusingly they sit at their tables, gawking like how they do at drama based holo-shows. Rey marched on, her stomach lurched until she slid into a table, Ben following suit. Her fingers curled around the edge of the table, her own eyes on high alert. She couldn't help but feel increasingly anxious in open space, with so many potential threats againt him she felt the need to keep her eyes open for his back.

Rey pursed her lips. Ben of course had no care in the world for that, instead he ate normally as he would. Even without a weapon his self confidence in his own abilities shone through, and weirdly she thought, that was comforting.

"Maybe next time well eat in private."

Reys head snapped back to his direction for a split second. He must have felt her unease at the situation. "Good suggestion."

A few tables down she spotted them. Finn and Rose, carrying on with the lunches they hadn't had the stomach for earlier, most of the food gone by now but their forks hovered over their plates. Surprise lined their faces with a sprinkle of disapoinent.

Rey blew a hair out of her face with a slight roll of her hazel eyes. This was going to be a strung out process.

_This chapter went by so slow, I'll be sure to work on that. Leave a reviee if you enjoyed! (also if there are many spelling errors I apologize, wrote this on my phone with no autocorrect)_


	3. Dejarik

_Tap tap tap._ Reys knuckles clinked against the durasteel door before her, small hugh pitched echoes danced back at her, but that was the only kind of reply she figured she would get.

Bens appointed living quarters, she was sure this was it! Stepping back to squint out at the other numbered doors to her right she easily verified she stopped before the right one.

"Must not be here.." She murmured with a disappointed hint to her voice. It would have been easy to catch him before he would leave for his eight am office check in but it seemed as though Ben was an earlier riser than she! _Besides the guard is supposed to stay at the door. _

Rey walked the long hallways with ease, her head craning every which way to see if she could spot the scarily tall man dressed in black amongst the crowd but he was not in sight.

"Hey, do you mind ehm, checking in to your little tracker?" Rey rose on her tip toes to peer at the bored looking woman at the counsil office. He would have jusy been here right? "I need to find Ben Solo."

The woman smirked and gripped the edge of her monitor, twisting it around to show Rey a large map of the headquarters that seemed to already have been opened. A small red blip indicated where he was.

_Outside_

It was a beautiful day outside, she could already tell from the large overcast windows over her head as she trekked onward. Baby blue skies with just a few miniscule rounds of white fluffy clouds. Just the way she liked it. Often after raiding an abandoned wreck on Jakku she would take a break by laying on the sand and watching the clouds roll by.

She then made a promise to herself that she would find more activities for herself outdoors, for her own mental state. Headquarters was nice and all, beautiful architecture, but Rey missed the wind ripping through her hair on her old speeder back then.

The doors outside led to a grand patio carved in immaculate marble, it glowed under the direct sunlight. A few steps ahead and Rey wrapped her hands around the guardrail slowly, they had been absorbing the heat since the sun rose and oddly enough it felt comforting to her.

Meadows stretched out before her, long flat fields of grass stretched out as far as the eye could see Thrown randomly out there, large gatherings of trees, shrubery, and brilliant flowers decorated the landscape - and if she was right Ben was just in there...

Soaring down the stairs with a skip of energy she immediately spotted Dal standing near a tree with what looked like a computer pad in his hands, it got his utmost attention.

"Hey, where's Ben at?" She inquired nosily, apparating before the boy and near startling him out of his boots.

"Theres a clearing in the trees here, that's where Ma'am."

Rey scanned over his computer pad. He had the same small map opened to full screen watching the small red blip intently.

"You know he's not going to try anything right?" She raised a brow at him, watching for a reply. "You dont have to tire yourself looking at this thing. Besides, I'm going to join him so I'll keep an eye on him."

And with that she marched on, a small animal made path into the treeline welcomed her in. The warmth of the sunshine overhead faded, and a cool humid air hit her. These trees, not that she knew anything about them, towered over her, their trunks large and round, and their leaves at the top extended far - no wonder no sun could get in. Ahead she spotted a clearing.

_Must be where he is._ She had to thwart a few stray branches from her face before entering the clearing, but once she did Rey fell awestruck. Lush green grass the height of her knee sprung up, littered with small different colored flowers. Avian creatures overhead chirped relentlessly, crawling over branches to spot the newcomer, their beady eyes watching her carefully.

Ben sat in the middle of the patch, his eyes that were once closed sprung open, his brilliant brown eyes peering at her with not an ounce of surprise to see her.

The corners of her lips tugged upwards into a small smile. It was better to see him peacefully surrounded by nature than beams shooting past his face and sabers thrown about.

"What brings you here?" Rey raised her hands inquisitively, as if she held the clearing between her hands. "Didn't think you'd be into this sort of thing."

_This looks good on him._

"Meditation." He answered her, and beckoned her to take a seat in front of him. She complied, sitting cross legged a few feet away. "Luke had us meditating almost every day. Did you not learn that from him?"

"Well we were sort of on a time crunch." Rey touched the smooth petal of a flower just grazing her knee. "Just had the bare minimum. Besides, what happened to purging that chapter in your life?"

Ben sort of shrugged. "As much resentment I harbour for him I learnt a fair few things from him." He spoke without getting worked up about Luke, and this was called progress in Reys mind. "Meditation is one of the only things I kept in my schedule."

"Is that right?" She flashed a smile. Images of Ben meditating flooded her mind and she couldnt help but think how... cute of a picture that was. "From how you used to act I would say you didn't even know the word meditation."

Ben smirked, not even a bristle at the slight jab. "Some things you cant meditate away."

His physical appearance had altered drastically from back when they connected through the force. The darkened spots under his eyes had been slept away, allowing the brown in his eyes to beam out. His skin lightened up, he no longer donned the almost transluscent skin of a hospital patient but had a healthy pink tone there, radiating health. He kept his healthy mane of dark tresses the same, falling lightly onto his shoulders. He also kept his wardrobe basically the same, black black and more black. Some things dont change she supposed, after all she felt comfortable in her grey/beige attire.

They've been at a weird stalemate since the war ended. They each feel a certain way, very strongly at that, but failed to reach the next step. What made it more awkward was that they could feel each other feel that way, Rey knew it was a ridiculous thing to explain to anyone, especially her friends, so she kept it under wraps.

When he escaped the First Order on his stolen Tie Fighter and nearly crashed landed into their bay Rey beat the crowds to him, opening the emergency doors to gaze upon his face first. Seeing him so broken and confused twisted her stomach into knots. _You came. _Sluggishly he unstrapped himself from his harnesses and she guided him out, aware a crowd of people encircled them. _Move away please! _Rey pushed through the crowd, leading the way for Ben to follow awkwardly as people began to recognize him, pointing accusing fingers in his face. A toothy smile found its way to her face as she lead him toward privacy, _he chose the light! _She dragged him into an office and stared at him with wild eyes. _Thank you. For coming. I was worried you would have a change of heart again. _She fret fervently over his clothes and the still healing wound on his face before pulling him into a tight embrace - the only thing to calm down this wave of adrenaline.

That hug did her in, she decided as she recalled this memory, heat pooling in her cheeks and stomach. After staring him down before escaping Crait all Rey had left was the memory of him, their connection was lost, cut off. Hovering her hand in front of her face she would imagine them touching hands once more. Play over their meeting over and over again in her head, how he killed Snoke in wake of her pending doom. It felt like that memory of him was the last shred of Ben the world had left before Kylo Ren took over. _But that hug.. _

His eyes were closed now, his lashes laying neatly against his cheeks, his orbs underneath twitched from time to time. Admittedly Rey would sit here all day watching him if she didn't feel nosey doing it.

She let her own eyes flutter shut, blackness engulfed her although the bright spots from the light outside pulsated in her vision. Rey always found it hard to stay put with no real direction, she was a busy body and felt uneasy when her hands weren't at work. Though she didn't want to impose on his task so she hunkered down to join him.

Times like these, down time as Rey named it, were times she felt his presence the most. He connected to the force easily when he didn't have a million different things to do and people to hunt down. She could feel him, his energy, it was warm and protective and it surged like a powerful wave. Their wavelengths corresponded, they rose up and dipped down side to side like a pair of mountains.

There were still storms that lingered, dark patches in his light. He didn't struggle any longer with light or dark but Rey knew he dealt with a lot of mental anguish at times. Her cheery upbeat self leaked into her wavelengths, hers a bright golden colour while Bens was a deep blue.

Rey felt his hand brush against her own curled on her knee, the warmth loitered, his hand still on her own.

Immediately Rey couldn't decipher whether or not this was a feeling through their connection or in reality, but whatever it was lodged a heavy ball in her throat and her stomach in tumbles.

"Why do you always revert back to thoughts about those times? You don't hide your thoughts well. "

His voice surely was in person. She peeled her eyes open, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks within seconds. She saw in her peripheral his hand was indeed there.

She sheepishly shook her head. "I don't know." Did she really not know? She smiled regardless. "Sorry - I didnt mean to interrupt your meditation with my frenzied thoughts..." They buzzed around like a hive of insects in her brain, his touch on her body was like fire, and they were trying to escape.

"Your presence is welcomed." He assured her. Rey felt a pulse in his hand still covering her own. "I can feel your unease about my return "

"It's not like that -"

"I know its not." Ben gave a slight squeeze to her hand, and warmth pooled in her stomach like a hot bowl of soup. Reassurance. She only needed his. "You feel overwhelmed. Why?"

It was as if that squeeze drew out what she felt. "It's hard having to explain such a simple thought process to people."

"Why do you feel the need to?" He questioned, his eyes stark, front a center, peering deeply into her. It would feel unnerving to anyone that wasn't Rey. "Don't overexert yourself."

"I know .. Still just ticks me off people can be so closed minded."

She shrugged. She drifted off into a memory, one of their first force connections. _You are a monster._ She spat, looking directly into his then cold as ice eyes. She would die fighting for him now.

"It's never going to change." He continued, "I dont deserve their sympathy nor do I deserve your vote of confidence. They'll remember and hold it against you forever. I don't want that for you." He didn't remove his hand, but his gaze dropped. "Rey I appreciate _everything_ you have done." He looked back up at her, his eyes stern and serious, it caught her off guard. "Know that I will understand should you choose to disassociate yourself from me."

Rey instinctively snorted, a tiny laugh that just beghed to erupt. "What - are you serious?" He still retained his serious gaze. She fought the smile off her face. "Oh you can't be serious, Ben." She exhaled from her nose. Rey unearthed her thumb from under his palm, wiggled it between his fingers to lay it ontop of his own hand. Her brows furrowed. Deciding that wasn't enough, she placed her right hand over his own. "You know that's not possible."

She peered into his brown eyes eith her own hazel ones, a hearty smile on her face, warmth eruped from her hands and flooded her entire being. "You're stuck with me."

Ben smiled back. A genuine smile, one not accompanied by a snide remark that she usually saw. "I'm fine with that."

xx

The next morning Rey made sure to rise early. But that didn't mean she couldn't lay in bed like a loaf for a few minutes before her final alarm buzzed. Her limbs were stretched out like a starfish, the thin sheet tangled around her legs. Her eyes were dull and glazed over, staring lifelessly at the ceiling, but Rey was off in her mind recanting the past days, they relayed in front of her eyes.

Ben giving her permission to leave him had done a number on her, she didnt look too much into it before crawling into her bed, but once she did thr cogs of her mind turned. Truly, it was heart breaking that he was willing to let her for her own gain. She scrunched her nose. Weirder he thought she would buy into that.

_If you love something let it go._

Rey sat up straight, in her bed in a flurry. "Why would I think that." She murmured, burying her fave into the comforting warmth of her hands. "Was that what he felt...?" Her fingers spread apart, her lone hazel eye peering through the crack.

Uncertainty shrouded the two of them. Their feelings strong but their resolve to give each other space was even stronger.

_Tap tap tap._

Reys knuckles echoed on the door. To her left stood Dal, eyes upright and center down the hall, paying no mind to Bens visitor. Rey stared at him in her peripheral. _I can't blame him. He has a job to do. _

The door swirled open to reveal Ben, who looked surprised to see her. "You're up early." He breathed, stepping aside to allow her entrance to his flat.

Striding in casually, Rey glanced around curiously. A standard chamber, open air kitchen to her left, bed and nightstand in front of them, bathroom to the far right, and a small living area to her immediate right. Same layout as her own, though she noted thry were gracious and provided her a _lot _more space - and a larger window.

"Yeah I didnt think you'd mind if I tagged along again."

Ben sat on bench by the front door, she watched his fingers grasp at the small zipper of his boots after he pulled them on. It was odd - but she found enjoyment in watching him do such human act, as she once considered him a monster.

"Of course I don't." He stood and adjusted the belt on his black tunic.

"Maybe we could grab breakfast to go?" She raised a brow. "We'll just narrowly miss morning rush for commuters." She glanced at the kitchen. "I'd offer to make something here but I only really know how to make rations." She let out a simpered sigh with a smile.

"Grabbing breakfast to go sounds fine." He assured her with a small grimace, pressing his hand on the sensor beside the door to disengage the lock.

They ate on their way to the office for his early check in. It was a long enough walk that Rey didn't feel like she had to scarf down what she picked from the assembly line, casually munching on a sweet granadilla fuit from a large bowl.

Bens first choice was a folded bread, packed with all sorts of nutrients and proteins one on the go would need in a hurry, then an apple. He was a quick eater, she noted. It probably stemmed from always having something he was burdened with.

Nearing the office, Rey spotted the two of them. As if Ben and Rey were one magnet, Finn and Rose were the other. They drew instantly to each other it seemed, at every interval they saw each other. Headquarters was big enough for the four of them to live in peace, wasnt it?

A heavy ball formed in her stomach, craning her neck to look over to Ben, she murmured. "Try not to start anything."

His eyes narrowed down at her. She could almost guess _he's a traitor_ wanted to come out but he pulled it back in. "He's the one who doesn't like me."

"Hey." All four people stopped in unison, but Rey spoke first, hoping to lul whatever nay say either of the two had to say for an ice breaker.

Rose peered at Rey with a straight face, then looked Ben up and down. Rey watched Roses aura bristle with a shiver.

"Hey Rey." Rose greeted with a small smile. It meant progress, or at least Rey figured so. Rose looked at Finn, who then looked at Rey. "Finn was going to teach me how to play Dejarik on the holoboard later if you wanted to join."

Rey smiled. Finn remained quiet but the unhappy look was wiped clean off his face today. She wondered what changed.

"Guys, thanks for the invite." _Think of an excuse. _"I'll see what I can do, I requested an apprentice mechanic at the hangar bay today to assist me with some adjustments the Falcon needs." This time Ben bristled at her side.

"Offer will stand." Finn smiled, "we're ordering in. Didn't know we get free room service, we gotta take advantage that."

"Your friends seem normal again." Rey and Ben continued on their path, Rey flicking the stem of her fruit into the garbage absentmindedly.

"They do, dont they?" She said quizically, her brows meeting in the middle. She wanted to accept that they changed, but so easily? Had they been planning some ulterior motive?

Ben cleared his throat. "So you're going to be working on the Falcon again?" It was clearly an object that did not spark some long forgotten happiness within him, and Rey chose to respect that. She wouldn't force that ship down his throat.

"Me? Needing help working on a ship?" She raised her brow. "I just said that so I wouldn't have to flat out say no."

"You don't want to go learn Dejarik?" Ben raised a brow back at her inquisitively. "I grew up with that game."

That's_ right, its onboard the falcon. _

"Well I wasn't planning on just ditching you for another invite." She explained as they entered the swirling door to the check in office, all eyes drawn to them instantly. They were public servants, unable to voice their opinions but their eyes screamed it all.

They leaned against the front counter, while the woman held an ID scanner to him, the blue beam casting over his face a few times before the light flashed green.

"Maybe I could teach you." Ben offered up, waiting for the woman to conjur up the clipboard with sign in sheets. "You'll lose, but you'll learn." He smirked.

"Pshh." Rey rolled her eyes, Ben grasped a pen and signed his initials, BS. "Every other time we've battled each other I believe _I've_ come out victorious. But I accept."

That evening they returned to Bens chambers, Dal assumed position outside the front door while the two entered into the darkness. Overhead the lights dimmed on, illuminating the room with a dull hazy light.

Rey leaned her knapsack against the front wall, watching as he strode inside, again she's never seen him do such human tasks, flipping on light switches and existing in a homely environment - it was all new to her.

Ben pressed his hand against a sensor built into the wall and a holoboard folded out from the wall, setting up almost immediately. From the small panel Ben picked Dejarik, and the small holographic monsters came to life.

"Well this is exciting." Rey pressed with a smile, clambering onto the seat that folded out from the wall, opposite of where Ben sat. She poked her finger through a holographic Mantellion with a grimace. "Neat. I always found broken holoboards on ships I used to scavenge, I wondered what they were used for for the longest time."

Ben began his explanation, it was thoughtfully worded for ease of remembering for Rey. She perched on the edge of her chair, the bright colours shining against her face, Ben found himself having to tear his gaze away.

They were halfway through when Ben made a move, his monster he had moved roaring at two of her own.

"What was that!" She stared at him accusingly, mouth slightly agape in confusion.

"I forked you." He smirked, pointing to her two monsters. "No matter what move you plan to make you will lose a monster."

"Are you serious!" She puffed, leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed. "You can't just pull a move like that when I wasn't even taught how to defend against that!"

Ben couldn't help the devious smirk. "That's what a sore loser says." He leaned back as well, waiting for her move.

Needless to say Rey had lost, but it wasn't a total beat down. She was proud of some of the plays she made, but still a tiny bit of anger lingered at the fork betrayal.

"So you played this a lot when you were younger?" Rey never really brought that topic up but curiosity jabbed her relentlessly. She wanted to learn about things that shaped him into him.

"I did." Ben pressed the panel so the board itself tucked itself away. "Playing against Chewbacca honed my ability to make sure I could best him at all costs."

"I imagine he liked that." Rey scoffed with a smile, tucking her legs up into the chair to get more cozy. Chewbacca was the sorest loser she knew.

Ben smiled smugly. "Oh he did." She watched the smile disappear, his eyes glazing over for moment in which she guessed memories flooded back to him. He cleared his throat. "I play it in my off times. Dejarik is similar to combat training, you learn a lot about your opponent as well as yourself."

Rey imagined a younger Ben outwitting a scarily big Chewbacca aboard the Falcon. She could see it now, that tiny smug grimace just egging Chewie to be more brazen with his moves, ultimately leading to his own defeat.

"Opponent this opponent that." Rey twiddled her fingers in the air. "You don't do it just for fun?"

Ben scoffed with a mild smile. "I haven't done things for fun since I was a small child."

"I understand how that feels." Rey admitted, toying with her tunic hem. "I had to work for what I got for as far back as I can remember. Never an off day."

Silence fell on them like a wet blanket. They had idle chit chat before Rey excused herself, not wanting to overstay her welcome. She felt his eyes on her as she left down the hall. As much as she would have liked to stay she couldn't be certain how the night would have ended.

xxxxx

_pls lemme know if you liked _


	4. Morning Company

That same night Rey lay awake. She couldn't shake the feeling of something looming around the corner in her dark room She gulped thickly, her heart raced, hairs on her arm raised.

"Something's wrong." She muttered, sitting up straight, her thin sheet slowly peeling away from her sweaty skin. Rey smacked her cheeks to wake herself up. "What is this feeeeeling."

Images of Ben flashed before her. Sleeping, in pain, very obviously something was wrong. His brows furrowed, he tossed in the bed.

She squinted, as if that would help her see these images properly. She could feel his pain, it webbed throughout her body.

_Ben! Are you awake!_ Silence. Rey tried reaching to him through the force, her ghostly imprint of a hand gently cupping the side of his face. His brows slightly unfurrowed but it didnt seem to do the trick. She ruffled his soft tresses, cupped his cheeks, pressed her forehead to his.

"I have to do something, don't I?" She snapped out of it, one leg on the ground, the rest of her body in the bed, ready to deploy in a second. A recent memory of Ben saying he didn't sleep much at all flooded her. If she didn't intervene this would be a regular night for him she supposed. Rey shook her head. _He deserves one good sleep, if I can help it I should try, right?_

His quarters were in another more secluded wing of the building. Safer that way, but being so far from her made her nervous. Pulling on a housecoat and booties, she pounced into the night.

Headquarters still had to run at night, but the usual fluorescent lights overhead were dimmed to ease ones eyes in the dark hours. The odd person roamed around. Security detail charged around, seemingly bored out of their minds, poking at anything of interest. Rey was like a stealthy cat, slinking and weaving halls with ease and not one eye laid on her, she was part of the night.

Another security officer was guarding Bens door, not the usual Dal, which worried Rey - what if they wouldn't let her in?

"I need to see Ben." She announced upon her arrival to his door, attempting to scan her hand hoping the lock would be disengaged anyways. It wasn't.

The guard raised a brow. "At this hour?"

Reys face twisted, Bens aura seeping from the seams of the door. "Does it matter?" She surged at the implication. Don't friends visit friends at wee hours of the morning?

"Well, yes." He coughed, this was probabaly the most entertaining thing he's been faced with. "Hours for visiting personal quarters are over." He glanced at his watch. "You can come back in four and a half hours?"

"Do you know who I am?" Rey hated using that card but desperation hit. "I kinda helped save everyone's asses with _his _help."

"O-oh, _you're_ Rey. I'm sorry please go ahead."

Rey had a lot of flexible rules. Another thing she liked was getting heaping portions of food from the cafeteria workers.

He waved his wrist watch and the door swirled open to a menacing black void.

Rey tip-toed in, whisking around in the darkness, blindly reaching out for a light panel. It was in the same spot in her own chamber so she found it with ease. She pressed her finger tip on the right side and slowly slid it upwards, just enough that the lights dimmed on, dull orange spread across the rooms.

Rey peered over her shoulder, cautiously looking over to the bed, she wasnt sure how to explain herself had he been awake and startled. He was still a lifeless body under the sheets, tossing and turning, he called to her without words. She quietly stepped out of her booties.

Rey padded over silently, her warm bare feet sticking to the cold tiles below. One foot after the other, she stopped before his bed.

"Ben?" She whispered, unsure of whether or not he would hear her at such a close vicinity. He was shirtless in his bed, covered only by a thin white sheet, but she could still see the outlines of his body under there. If she could look away she would, her focus had to remain on him, and that little devious Rey that lived in the back of her head said _that's__ just a little bonus. _

She rounded the bed and leaned in, resting her hands on the edge of his mattress. She was curious what caused him to stir like this - every other night it was silence on his end. Why is tonight any different?

_Ben. _She tried to lul him from beyond. Still nothing. Carefully she clambered onto the bed, shimmying over to his left side on all fours. She sat her rump just a few inches away from his resting arm, her legs tucked to the side carefully. Rey leaned over him, stretching her left arm out to prop herself up, her balled fist to the left of his face. With her right hand she allowed it to hover over his left cheek, wondering to herself why she thought any of this would work.

Her fingers brushed against his skin like a light dusting, timid and unsure, they went again, curled, petting his cheek. She felt the small bump of his beauty mark, one of the ones she directly recalled to when she thought of his face, just to the left of his nose. He had a handful of them, she brushed up against the ones she could see, mapping out his face physically instead of visually. She was unsure of why this sudden burst of physical curiosity hit, it wasn't as though it had been bottled up, but she had the chance now to stare at him all she liked without looking like a looney, and she figured thats what it was.

Rey cupped her right hand on his left cheek and let her thumb glide across his cheek and toward his cheekbone. She liked this feeling, it was comforting and admittedly she mimicked the feeling on her own cheek some nights to help aid her failing melatonin. She had never been much of a physical person, raising herself alone, no one was there to recieve it from or even reciprocate. An urge pushed her to coddle him, swallow him whole and keep him as hers.

His twitches calmed down, his brows had unforrowed at this point, and her heart began to flutter. Her once bold moves now led her to freeze, her blood that ran hot now iced over in fear. How would she explain herself if he awoke? Does she flee?

His eyelids flew open, and although his twitches had ceased his uneven breathing was unshaken, most likely he was startled from the physical touch and a face so close to his own.

"Shhh." She hummed before his parted lips could even let words out. The alarm drained from his eyes and his breathing sorted out. She could sense through their bond his nerves began to sooth over, a calmness washed over him, and she saw a spark of gratitude in those half lidded eyes.

Ben had been having an awful dream. Well, nightmare really, it wasn't too out of the ordinary for him, but this one was particularly awful, he knew it. He couldn't remember his dreams that well anymore, they just blended together and became such a blur. The anguish always remained, much to his displeasure. The threat was gone but the damage to his subconscious mentality will always haunt him.

But something jolted him awake, a great shock to his system, like a burning hot pan warping to ice cold water. He sensed a being over him, an aura enveloping him in what should have been his private room. He opened his eyelids to find what he would have deemed the only thing he'd like to see there. The warmth of her hand on his cheek helped transition him from his fight or flight adrenaline, grounding him back to reality. He lay there for a moment unsure, or perhaps he was just for once _enjoying_ the moment.

"Is this really you." He queried, breaking the silence, resisting the urge to nestle his cheek further into her hand. He prayed she wouldn't flee, what he wouldn't do for her to stay by his side..

Rey stayed. Her warm hand still held his cheek, her thumb hovered above his cheek as she let the words process in her head, then it returned to stroking. "Of course "

_This feels right. _Ben lifted his right arm off the bed and snaked his hand behind her head, intertwining his fingers through her loose hair, letting his palm rest back there. He had a lot more questions but he preferred this.

Adding just a bit of pressure to the back of her head, he brought her face down closer to his own. She didn't fight it, instead he saw her eyelids flutter shut moments before. He stalled just before their lips met, feeling her hot breath prickle against his heightened sense of feeling, it sent shivers down his body. He didn't want to force her or make her feel uncomfortable in his presence, so instead he left the ball in her court.

Yet almost instantly as if he hadn't let his hand go limp Rey connected the dots and leaned forward to close the gap, allowing their lips to meet for the first time.

This was no chaste kiss. Ben held Rey close as if she would float away if he let her go, he didn't want this to be a fleeting moment, forgotten. Yet he knew it wouldn't be, although he didn't dwell on them too much for fear of being let down he knew there was something between them. It felt like a long time in the making, starting with his fascination of the rumors about a scavenger girl.

Rey leaned off their kiss slightly, their lips an inch apart, wet. Her head hung above his for mere instants that felt like long minutes before she leaned forward once more to place a single short kiss on his lips. When pulled away she pressed her warm forehead to his, her eyes closed, their noses nestled side by side. It was the kind of passion and affection they both were depraved of and inwardly longed for, craved for.

Ben could easily soak it all in, he wanted so badly to cocoon her in his sheets and hold her the rest of the night. Instead he settled with stroking her head, her soft silken hair gliding between his fingertips.

Rey slanted away, the warmth of her skin peeling off his body in a way he didn't want to feel, abandonment creeping its way into his mind. Alternatively, she chose to rest her head on the right side of his chest, curling up like a dearly beloved pet nestled in your armpit. Her slender fingers still ran through his scalp - that alone almost luled him back to dream world.

"Try and get some sleep." He heard her murmur, her voice almost a whisper as she too was on the edge of falling into a deep slumber.

He wasn't about to suggest otherwise, if she had plans sleeping right there he would keep her there as long as possible. He nodded as a reply and allowed his muscles to calm down, his head resting deeper into his pillow. Ben could instantly feel the menacing shadow of sleep grip on his body, but he fought to enjoy the wave of feelings - this was after all the first time he's felt such raw emotion.

He rested his arm over her slumped body, his hand holding onto her bare shoulder, his fingers giving a small squeeze. Reys skin was so soft and silk to the touch, exactly how he pictured it. He so badly wished she was nuzzled up under his chin and he could properly hold her close to his chest. It was finally happening. He knew it would happen, one way or another, and his patience was wearing thin.

Hours later he woke up and not to a fizzy startled jump awake like most mornings. His eyelids slowly peeled open, meeting with the morning alarm - the lights dimming on to simulate morning sun. Ben didn't immediately grasp at the situation, he lay still, enjoying the warmth of the bed and the refreshed feeling that held onto him.

It was when he instinctively went to stretch his arms he felt her, and everything from hours ago rushed back to him, almost choking in a breath of air at the memory. He lifted his head slightly to peer down and he saw her in the same position, curled up at his side with her cheek glued to his chest. He thought to himself how peaceful she looked. So serene like she had no worry in life. He laid his head back down, not wanting to disturb her.

"Huh." Ben sighed noisily. The clock read quarter to seven, usually he'd be awake by now, having breakfast and preparing to check in at the office. He trailed his hand to her upper arm and gave it a gentle squeeze, cocking his head on his pillow to peer down at her lazily.

Rey stirred, he could see her eyes moving slowly behind her lids but not enough for her to be yanked from her sleep. He debated on sliding out from under her to give her a few more hours of sleep but he could imagine her reaction of waking up alone.

He gave another gentle squeeze accompanied by a mild shake. Her body curled inwards before she spread her limbs out like a starfish, tensed up, awakening her muscles, she let out a purr as she did. She let go, her limbs resting on the bed peacefully, her mind now stirring as she scratches her cheek with eyes still closed. Eyelids fluttering open she stared at the ceiling half lidded, her sight piecing together slowly, and suddenly she knew she wasn't in her own chamber.

Rey turned her head and let her cheek now rest on his chest, her large round eyes peering into his own, a trace of alarm in her eyes. He watched it subside, and her cheeks grow red.

"Hey you." She spoke softly, her voice quiet and raspy. It was evident she had a deep sleep. The corners of her pink lips tugged up and he swore his heart skipped a beat.

"Good morning." He breathed, stroking her upper arm where his hand once rested, it was a comforting gesture he imagined. "Sorry to have woken you, but time isn't on our side."

Rey propped herself up on her elbow to squint at the alarm, her long brunette hair tickling at his chest. She sighed, and puffed a mouthful of air at a tuft of hair in her face. "We got more sleep than I imagined." Disapointment was etched on her face.

"I think that was the most sleep I've gotten in years." Ben sat up and rubbed at his eyes, small colorful explosions now clouding his vision. Exhaustion wasnt such a physical pull on his body for once, which was nice.

Rey sat up as well, so close to him again, he could feel heat radiating off her skin. She inhaled deeply and let it out slowly, contently, pressing her forehead against his. "I'm glad."

She pulled away with a small smile and stepped off the bed, stretching side to side methodically. "Let's eat!"

Rey sat at his two person pull out table by the kitchen and peered into the menu. She was glad they hadn't skimped out on offering him the free catering they offered most, but also for the selfish reason that she was absolutely starving. She entered the numbered dishes into the small touchscreen on the table as Ben finally pulled himself from bed, tucking the menu away silently.

His back was turned toward her, but in the corner of her vision she stared, his bare chest and back exposed, he wore nothing but jogger like trousers to bed. She smirked inwardly to herself. _It's__ not like I didn't get my fill of seeing him shirtless. _Rey almost felt perverse in watching him change but it was like a piece of art, or a dance, seeing him pull an under shirt over his chest. He hid himself under his dark tunic in no time and joined her at the table.

"How did you know?" He questioned her, it was like the mindset he took when in an interrogation took over his mind, he stared so intently at her. "To come here when you did."

She shrugged. "Just like how we speak through our bond... It was like you were asking for me without having to do so." His face softened at the accusation. "You seemed to be in a lot of anguish. Do you remember anything you dreamt of?"

"No." Ben stated bluntly. "I never do. Probabaly for the best."

"Maybe..."

The food had arrived via droid, the plates set down on the table, steam rising into the air. Rey hoped she chose right for Ben, there wasn't a large selection for breakfast, so she picked the protein and energy based one for him. She stared keenly at him, and when no look of displeasure surfaced, she dug into her own.

After walking out the main doors and into the hall, Rey noticed Dal was back on post. Ben behind her swished his hand and locked the door, the sensor turning red and a small icon of a lock blipped on screen.

She noticed someone down the hall. Her breath hitched in her throat. It was Poe. She had forgotten in his anger over the trial he had aquired chambers in the same wing as Ben, to be another _watchful _eye, he claimed one cadet wouldnt be enough _'and it should be a hell of a lot more than just me.' _Rey couldn't fault him, she couldn't fault anyone for their walls they've built - but she wished her own word was enough for these people that said they trusted her.

But there he stood, down the hall in a casual cool black leather jacket, that usual smirk he donned was completely wiped from his face, he stared down at her with awe, dumbfounded awe and just a smidge of angry curiosity.

Rey wanted to say it wasnt what it looked like, but it _definitely _was.

xxxx

_thank you guys for the reviews!! i love them!__in regards to the story being slow, i apologize! i struggled in the past with fast pacing so i think i slowed it down too much, but i hope i kept them in character in doing so.__also sorry for typos, written on my phone with no autocorrect! _


	5. Statement

"_Are you kidding me?" _Rey felt a hand wrap around her upper arm, startling so, as she thought she was alone in the hall back to her quarters. She jumped at the contact, swiveling on her heels with her left fist curled and ready to go.

"Oh its just you, Poe." She simpered sheepishly, withdrawing her cocked fist back at her side. She let out a shaky breath. Ben was in the medical wing, some _asshat_ had thrown something at him in the hall, creating a small gash on his upper right cheekbone. He had insisted he was fine but she pressured him to get it healed, he had no reason to show off battle scars anymore. Since then she'd felt a bit off kilter, worrying there could be more attacks on herself, or more importantly him. "You startled me."

"I did, did I?" He grimaced, leaning back on his heels to watch over her with a casting glance. She couldn't read that expression, Rey deemed it either frustrated or delighted to see her? But she figured after this mornings little _caught you in the act_ type deal it was the former. "You know you startled _me_ this morning!"

"Oh, yeah?" Rey grimaced, scratching at her chin with a mix of curiosity preparing for the scolding of a lifetime.

Poe let out a shaky laugh, like _I cant believe she isnt spilling! _"Well, yeah you did." He crossed his arms over his chest. "The implication is a bit startling to me. Care to fill me in, or...?"

Rey pursed her lips. What her and Ben did, and whatever they _were_ wasn't anyone's business nor did she feel obligation to tell people. But that was her solitary brain speaking, she struggled to let people in sometimes, having been alone for most of hee life left her to rely on just herself. Poe was her friend, same with Finn and Rose. She had to open up to them.

"Well, it's_ not _what you think." She attempted to begin.

Poes mouth fell agape. "What? Rey do you even know what it looked it!"

"Yeah it looked bad." She agreed thoughtfully, hoping to ease him into this. "Its_ kind of _what it looks like, but no bad undertones."

"Hello its a severely bad undertone. Rey, what the hell are you thinking?" He smirked in amusement, completely baffled and almost speechless. "If I could I'd wring his neck."

"You know, you and Finn have these same closed minded ideas. You have _no _idea."

"Rey-"

"No," she began, holding her hand up like a stop sign hand, beginning to continue, "just hold on, no steam rolling. I can't expect you guys to understand, in fact I don't want or need to you, because your opinions are valid. What doesn't make sense to me, is why you arent opening to the truth that he is on our side. I cant begin to explain his past to you nor will I, but it's completely unfair you're prosecuting him - and me like this." Poe nodded along sympathetically. "I wish you guys just trusted me. I can see him, his intentions, and they're good. Not to mention, Finn was in the same damn boat and we welcomed him with open arms... Nothing against Finn, but thats how I feel."

"Rey, I-I..." He stammered, like the words were snatched right from his throat. "You raise a fair point. I dont really know what to say. He's killed a lot of my friends, comrades, our people. I can't turn my back on them and play friends with an enemy I've known longer than you." He sighed. "But for you, I'll try not to actively radiate hate when I see him."

Rey smiled. "Thats all I ask for, for now. Thanks Poe."

"Just keep him the hell away from me, alright? I cant promise what will happen if I have to be within a close proximity to him." With a smirk, he pat her on the shoulder before they parted ways.

Rey retrieved food from the cafeteria before heading back to the medbay. Ben would absolutely be done by now, seeing as how she was side tracked with a little chit chat.

"All healed up?" She queried when she strode up to him, presenting him with a lunch bag. She couldn't see the mark on his cheek anymore, or it blended in with the assortment of other small nicks on his cheek.

Ben picked the bag from between her fingers. "Like it never happened." He was clearly embarrassed, Rey could tell almost immediately. It wasn't normal for him to be withdrawn from a physical altercation, especially not when he felt like there was insubordination afoot. He held himself back incredibly as blood trickled at the small gash on his cheek. Rey saw a flash in his eyes for just a moment before she held his wrist back, grounding him to reality. She was proud.

"You know, you did a hell of a lot better than I imagined a situation like that would play out."

They sat outside. The weather was slightly overcast which left the large marble patio outside emptied, allowing them privacy.

Ben smirked with a small knowing nod of his head. "I surprised even myself there." Admittedly he was a hair's breadth away from backhanding the punk without even thinking of it, like a flurry crossed his mind for a brief moment.

"I wouldn't have blamed you." She stated bluntly, anger poking itself into her tone. "I nearly wound my fist up for that guy. Who just _does _that?" She reached and ghosted her finger over the tiniest indent on his flesh. He didn't flinch at the contact.

"I'm sure my probationary rules would have cared a great deal." Ben Solo turned the other cheek. Kylo Ren would have had the man executed in the main bay for others to see. He was changed now - or trying his best to be. "Though there's not much more they could take from me."

"They could stop us from seeing each other. Throw you in a cell with no visitation.." Seriousness clouded her expression and her voice almost hitched in her throat at the thought. "I'd say that's a lot they're holding over you."

Warmth filled his chest and he almost wanted to smile, the implication she made almost solidifed what they were.

"You're right." Ben slightly leaned his face into her hand, any attention from his food was drawn to their moment.

They hadn't spoken of their shared kiss, maybe they weren't ready to bring the topic up or maybe they both didn't know how to - or at least that's what he thought. He sure as hell didn't know how to bring it up. He'd rather ferment in silence than bring it up and make things awkward between them.

But the feeling of her hand on his face was a good sign he supposed.

"Next time I'll deal with it." She retracted her hand slowly, her fingertips lingered on his flesh for a mere moment more before returning to her bowl. "Its not fair you're defenseless. They can't _and wont _punish me."

"Calling me defenseless is a bit of a stretch." Ben murmured, his brow twitched at the accusation, but a smirk still found its way to his face.

Rey rolled her eyes with her own grimace. "Oh you know what I mean."

Although they hadn't outlined specifically his force powers or natural physical abilities, they were to be under lock and key, they highly hinted that any use of excessive force was prohibited. Rendering him quite useless in the event of an attack.

Rey made the promise to herself that she was to protect him at all costs until he could do so himself. She wasn't going to allow anyone to touch him again. His guard was useless - but then again, Rey figured his only purpose was to protect people from _him. _She scowled at the thought.

When their lunch was squared away, Rey told Ben she had something to show him. It was a long walk to the other side of the base, but the further away from the buzz the more privacy they were allowed.

"You can wait out here." Rey stated to Dal, who peered at the plain swirling doors with uncertainty. "I'll take over from here."

Surprisingly he complied, taking a stand beside the door and looking straight ahead.

Rey pressed her palm into the sensor and the doors opened wide, Ben peered from behind and raised a quisitive brow, Rey ushered him in quickly.

"I know you're not allowed in combat simulation rooms and gyms, but I found out this decommissioned gym still existed and well..." She opened her arms up excitedly. "They'll never know!"

Ben smiled and took a few large strides into the room. Upon movement the lights overhead glimmered on, revealing the large expanse of room and equipment.

"What do you think?" Rey meandered over to his side, clasping her hands behind her back.

Ben peered down at her, her face beaming proudly and her eyes sparkling. She reminded him of a small animal, trotting over for a nice head pet. It was a nice gesture, and he would truly appreciate this.

"I know they stripped you of everything, I thought maybe this could give you something to do most days."

"Thank you." The mere fact she would go against orders, against law just to make him feel more comfortable churned something in him. It earned more than a thank you but he didn't have much to give. "I needed this."

Reys cumpulsory need to make sure he was attended to would surely be quenched.

Ben paced to the far east wall, a lone metal weapon rack lay dormant, collecting dust. He wrapped his calloused hand around a wooden shaft, noticing that it had been a training baton by the many nicks and carves cut into the wood. It reminded him of the training batons back at the Jedi temple. He'd broken many in his hayday.

He held it up to his face, dust floating and hovering in the stagnant air around him. "Care for a match?" He turned slightly on his heel so his torso faced her own, his hand held the stick out toward her.

"If you're itching to be bested, then by all means." She smiled and slid the stick from his hand, she flipped it around in her hands a few times before finding the right spot.

"Confidence going into a battle weakens you from the start." Ben mused with a grimace, equipping himself with a longer stick to match his height.

"I think you talk out of your ass." She smirked, because if there was one thing she knew as well, it was that riling your opponent up was an advantage, they play risky stupid moves.

"I trained every single Knight of Ren." He moved into the middle of the room, removing his tunic so he was clad only in his dark long sleeve shirt.

"And where are they now?" Rey met his stance, casting her most annoying smirk she knew how to make.

Ben leered. "They're dead." He lifted the baton, it stopped before the tip of her own. "Good point."

A second later they clashed, their batons slamming against one anothers so fiercely a small splinter of wood went flying from Reys own stick. They danced their intricate dance of the fight, the normally quiet deserted fitness centre now aloud with clangs and grunts.

It had ended when Rey had mistaken her assumption of his next move, she lunged forward as he had whipped his baton in her direction, its blunt end meeting with her neck - but only just barely, thankfully Ben had control over the velocity of his stick and removed it before more of an impact happened.

"Ah.." Rey lay her stick at her feet before she met her fingers to her neck, assessing thr damage. Although the baton was blunted wood it still donned many small sharp dents that could have left a mark.

Ben let his own baton drop, immediately putting his index finger to her jawline to tilt her head upwards in an inspecting manner. A small ripe red circle came to fruition on the bare skin. He could feel his back trickle with a cold shiver, an urge he was adept at fighting off.

"I'm sorry," he began, "next time I'll remember to go easy."

With a playful snarl she shoved his finger off her jaw. "Whatever, last I remember you've a nice pink scar ranging from your chest to your eyebrow _soo..._"

Finn and Rose were snoopers, or at least that's what they called themselves. Professional nosey people who's sole intentions were to spy and gather personal intel. Not for their own benefit of course, but they worried for their friend Rey. This intel they were gathering was so they could stage a so called _intervention_ of sorts, or at least give the girl a shake hopefully to her senses.

They sat in an abandoned guard outpost down the hall from the rec centre, in the darkness, it felt eerie to them but fun all the same.

Finns fingers danced against the screen of the pad, a map the headquarters. "It says its a gym?" He raised a brow at the revelation. "He's not allowed in trainings areas..."

"They're coming out!" Rose hissed, seeing the doors to the gym swirl open to reveal the teo outlines of people.

The windows to the guard post were tinted, allowing them privacy for their adventure.

Ben and Reys face had a thin sheet of sweat, glistening dimmly under the fluorescence overhead. Their skin a hue of hot pink, from activity.

"Oh by the Gods..." Rose muttered. She skampered to the window closest to where Rey and Ben strode, a ghost to them. "A mark on her neck, Finn!"

After the two, plus the guard, had passed through Rose turned back to Finn, whos expression could only be read as shocked, his mouth agape.

That night after dinner Rey and Ben found themselves in the hallway they usually said their goodbyes in, between their separate chambers.

"Today was fun." Rey smiled.

"Will you stay the night again?" Maybe being blunt would get him what he wanted - another good nights sleep along with her company?

He had definitely caught her off guard, she stammered for a second before gathering herself. "I, okay yeah."

Pleasantly surprised, and almost giddy, she followed alongside him. Rey felt like a bottle, inside all this pent up energy and feelings and all this other 'crap' begged to be let go. Not to mention she wasn't the one who had to make the first move, that awkward question, because she was close to asking for the same thing. Last night she had an amazing sleep, like his wavelengths perfectly matched hers and guided her toward the land of sleep. She didn't know comfort in that way ever - and even though she had the same bed model, sleeping alone could never beat sleeping side by side with someone. Her only worry was that she would start to crave it.

They entered his chambers silently, Rey kicking off her booties into the entrance corner with ease while Ben undid the straps holding his boots in place.

"Oh I didn't even think to grab nightwear from my place." Rey smacked her hand against her face lightly. Being so enamored with her newfound night plans she forgot what those night plans needed. _Just invite me to wear something of yours for the love of the Gods ..._ Devilish Rey chimed in, stirrijg redness in the girls cheeks.

"Do you want a shirt?" It wasnt really a question, he had already paced to his dresser and pulled opem the middle drawer, all Rey could see were dark colored articles.

"Yes please.." She tiptoed over to him and let him drop a black short sleeved shirt into her hands. "Thanks, I'll go get changed."

In the bathroom Rey undressed out of her top, peeling it away and letting it fall into a pile. Normally she slept in just a lose tank top. _Would it be presumptuous to just wear the shirt alone? _She left her bra on and pulled the shirt over her head, allowing it to drape well over her body. For some reason the urge to smell it swamrdd her mind and she gave in, pinching the fabric and holding it over her nose. _Smells like him.. Oddly comforting. _

She shoved a mouth cleaning packet in her mouth before going for the door, clad in her oversized shirt and trousers.

Ben had gotten ready while she was occupied, then turned in to the restroom once she was done.

She sat on the edge of his bed, twiddling her bare feet, an enormous wave of uncertainty hit. Rey wondered to herself if this was a normal progression of a relationship. She didn't have too many relationships with people, and certainly none with _feelings. _

"What do I do, what do I do..." She muttered, leaning back on an arm to stare at the rest of the bed. It was inviting, and their sparring session earlier was the most active she'd embarrassingly been this past while so she was a bit pooped.

"If I just sit here I'll look awkward.."

Rey clambered over the made bed sheets, her knees and hands leaving messy imprints on the once taught duvet. She reached beneath the fluffy pillows and yanked on the edge of the blanket and sheets, opening it enough to allow entrance.It was cool between the blanket and the sheets, goosebumps raised on her legs as she slid them in. It was the feeling of pure luxury though - if there was one thing she would never give up it would be her new bed, it forever beat out her old cot on the inside of the AT-AT.

Rey snuggled up into the bedding, curling her legs up and nestling her face into the pillows, allowing a small content sigh to escape her lips. It was the same model bed she had, but she liked this one better she just decided, because it was his.

Ben exited the bathroom shortly after and she peered curiously at him from her cocoon of blankets, he didn't look surprised she had claimed the bed and she sighed relief.

"Do you have bad dreams every night?"

Ben blinked at the question, standing tall at the foot of his bed. "Almost every night, yes." He slowly strode to _his_ side of the bed and peeled back the covers, hesitating before he climbed in. "Do you?"

Rey scooched over to give him more space. "On occasion. Lots of sleepless nights."

The bed dipped when he sat down on the edge before lifting his long lanky legs over as well.

She could feel his mind wander, memories flooded him, he failed at hiding it from her through their bond, or she figured he didn't know she sensed it.

_You're a nobody. _After their duet battle in Snokes Throne room. It felt like ages ago to Rey now, those memories unearthed a sad time for her as well as him.

Ben settled into the bed with a sigh, pulling the covers up to cover half his chest. He remained silent.

"Why are you thinking of that time?"

He looked startled, looking at her with puzzled brown eyes. "What?"

"That night, in the throne room. Why are you recalling that?"

Bens cogs began to turn, rushing to figure out what to say. Why he recalled this? When he stood over the bed peering down at her he had realized one very certain thing, and that was the feelings he thought were _just feelings_ were intenser than he originally thought. He struggled to put the certain word to it but he knew what it was. Out of fear of rejection he refused to admit what that word was, but it had instantly set into motion painful memories. Hurting her, scaring her, telling her she was a _nobody. _It was a sick plan of punishment his mind took on him, constant relaying of events he wished to forget.

Time was spilling, any later and it would turn into an awkward silence he hated. "You're not a nobody."

Rey had cried when he told her reaffirming information that day, her parents were junkies in both senses and she was nothing but a throwaway baby with not a second thought to her.

She motioned for him to lift his left arm and when he did, she timidly wedged herself between his arm and his chest, her head delicately resting above his armpit. It felt _so _right. She could stay here forever if she desired, which right now didn't seem like a half bad plan. She shimmied her body to align with his side, the ever warmer skin of his body leeched into her own.

"In the grand scheme of things, I am. So are you, and everybody else." Her voiced lulled. He didn't need this weight on his shoulders anymore. She saw a tug at the corners of his lips.

"To me, Rey, you're more than nothing." He admittedly, almost shyly, almost with a hint of hesitation - but the breath of relief he drew in afterwards felt so good. Although the exact word remained unsaid, this was as close as he could get. "You mean everything to me."

With her ear on his chest Rey could feel the fast paced rhythm of his heart, it pounded brilliantly hard, so hard she could feel it rap against her ear drum. He wouldn't know that hers matched.

A culmination of events had led them to this point, Rey quickly thought back to them - _what a journey we've had... _Warmth spread across her cheeks and salty tears stinged at the back of her eyeballs but she was quick to blink them away.

"Oh Ben.." She craned her neck upwards, their eyes meeting, and almost everything that could be said was exchanged through their looks. In that moment she felt more loved than she ever felt in her entirr existance. Not much to compare to, she admitted to herself, but this feeling..

She couldn't hold the tears back. They prickled in the corners of her eyelids and silently dropped, trailing down her cheek slowly.

Embarrassedly, she attempted to wipe them away with her free left hand, only catching a lone one before Ben had snatched her wrist delicately with his larger right hand.

"Sorry - I've just never felt this way before." She stuttered with a half laugh, sniffling like a small child. "It's overwhelming."

"Don't apologize." He whispered, trailing his hand from her wrist to encapsulate her much smaller hand.

Despite the tears she smiled broadly, ear to ear, eminating nothing but compassion.

"You mean _a lot_ to me to.." She murmured back, lifting her head up just a smidge to place a kiss on his shoulder, the skin almost steaming. She snaked her arm over his chest and hugged herself to his side even tighter, feeling the want and need to be close to him grow stronger by the millisecond.

Instead Rey fussed and sat up, moving his once outstretched arm go his own left side so she could lay flush next to him. Now she was able to nestle her nose into the very warm crook of his neck, finally itching the scratch of being intimately close, all the while Ben watched her with a mask of confusion to her actions.

The beginning of her life had been such a blur, those memories were quick to fade and were quick to be reaced by young Reys imagination. Did her parents ever fawn over her? Hug her tight, plant a kiss on her forehead, and pet her hair? Her first hug was Finn, and no she didn't count that creep back on Jakku pulling her into an embrace, which she promptly thwomped him on his skull with her fist.

Physical interaction seemed like such a long shot, it was a foreign concept she didn't fully understand, allowing a fear of some sort to warp her vision of it. Having Ben touch her hand with just his fingertips, or merely their shoulders breezing against each other was an entirely new experience. Such simple gestures to others, easy to forget, had her thinking about them through the night. She would trace her hand where his fingers once resided, imitating the feeling in the dark of her bedroom, alone.

So being able to share warmth under the duvet in his bed, together, changed the way she wanted to spend her nights.

She didn't bother to peer at his face after the words escaped her lips, but she cracked her left eye open just a smidge to see he had closed his eyes, his brows at ease, peace enveloped his face. She knew he was awake, as he was attempting to regulate his breathing, but against her nose she felt the artery in his neck pound fiercely.

Rey snaked her hand away from his side now, and instead she brushed her fingers rhythmically through his dark tresses, letting her nails softly run against his scalp then down to the ends of his hair. It was as much soothing to him as it was to her, entrancing her in a pre sleep ritual she figured would become a norm.

She felt Ben decompress beneath her, pent up energy releasing in a long yet silent sigh through his nose. She imagined having her scalp and hair caressed was a nice feeling. Washing her hair felt _really _nice, so this was probably the same right? Either way it was enjoyed, so she continued.

Soon enough she felt his breathing slow down, his chest varely rising and falling as his body began to time off.

Rapidly after that she followed, the warmth and coziness gripping her tightly and washing ger consciousness away.

_things are picking up! thanks for thr reviews, keep em coming if you liked !_


	6. Resolve

The alarm sprang aloud, chirping incessantly its annoying tune. The lights dimmed on, the golden lights of a mornings sun shone down on them as if skylights were opened above them.

On cue, the two of them had groaned awake, stirring lazily in the bed. Suddenly early mornings were a drag, Rey had decided, balling up her fist and rubbing sleep goo from her eyes.

Even if she and Ben had gotten more than enough sleep, it wasn't enough. "I hate that alarm." She muttered, finally blinking away cloudiness to notice her face was a mere few inches from his.

"Tell me about it." He sighed and stretched out his spine, turning to lay on his back, letting his eyes settle on the ceiling.

She watched him run his fingers through his mane absentmindedly, content washing over his face, brown eyes full of a calm she loved seeing on him.

"How did you sleep?" Rey questioned him, a feeling of timidness creeping its way to her. She wanted to shimmy back to his side and press her face against the flat of his upper arm and fall right back asleep, but she was sure that would just be a tease for the both of them.

She just barely saw the corners of his lips draw into a small smile. "I slept well, thanks to you." Ben allowed his head to fall to the side, to stare at her with appreciation and passion. His voice laden both a lul of sleepyness, raspy and milky at the same time.

He held out his hand and traced a line across her cheek, her brows furrowing at the random gesture. "What's on me?"

"Nothing. You look like you slept well, you've got a pillow crease indent on your face." Ben pointed out, gently pressing his finger at the start of the line and retraced it.

"Oh." She smiled and pressed her cheek into his hand, letting her eyes flutter shut. She supposed they could always retreat back to his quarters after signing in to the office if she didnt feel up for anything but being close fo him. She reached to her face and held his hand against her cheek, heat radiating off the skin as if she held a heat pack to her face. "I slept well. In face I've now gotten two straight sleeps in a row. Vast improvement."

"I can't imagine nights on Jakku being peaceful." He sat up and began to boot up, stretching his arms out wide then inwardly. Rey watched his muscles work intricately under his skin, rippling and dancing.

"They weren't." She followed suit, sitting criss-cross, still eyeing him. "Worrying about junkers raiding my tiny home kept me up a lot. You know, you'll work along side someone in the market for however many years and they _still _try to steal the hardrives they saw you salvage." Her eyes narrowed. "I hope that old skrog has kicked the bucket by now."

In front of her Ben grimaced, an almost toothy smile she hadn't seen before. "Did I hit a soft spot?" He poked.

Rey laughed. "I hadn't even thought of that since I left Jakku.. It seems so trivial now. I sleep in a comfy bed four times the size of my tiny cot, and next to you .. I don't have a care in the world. I can just sleep."

Bens expression softened, it was easy to tell how he let down his defences around her. "It is nice. Living according to your own agenda."

He stared at her for a brief second after they had changed and freshened up. Her brows had twitched downward, something weighing on him. She noticed instantly as she plucked a piece of fried breakfast meat from her plate.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." He assured her, taking a seat across from her own. "But I think you should patch things up with your friends."

Her chewing slowed to a halt, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. She swallowed thickly. "Why'd you say that? Bit random."

He shrugged and ate a forkful of egg. "It would be a shame if the only interactions you got on a daily basis were from me."

Rey scraped her fork against her plate, an annoying scritching sound pierced her ears, and she laid her fork down. "You say that like it's a bad thing?" She couldn't help the niggle in her mind asking herself if he was attempting to get rid of her.

His eyes read innocent enough, she supposed, but curiosity peaked within her. If only she could have the ability to read what was in his mind, it would make their lives a lot easier she figured.

The spears of his fork lunged into the flubbery egg. He was truly an enigma. Her narrowed inquisitive eyes latched onto his own, beckoning him to continue.

"I'd prefer if you had other people to converse with so time with me wouldn't grow stale."

"Awwwww." She teased wirh a growing smile. "As if that would happen!"

Ben let a half smirk out before returning to his food, evidently satisfied with her answer.

That lunch they parted ways, and despite her inner self still feeling rebellious and not wanting to take orders from him - she found herself scouting for her friends.

She held her tray out in front of her - extra meat portions just how she liked. But her focus was trained to one thing, and that was the table in the far corner, housing none other than Finn and Rose. Determination filled her to the brim, and this was her next mission - to win back the hearts of her friends.

"Hey guys!" She cheerfully greeted after pumping herself up a few feet behind them, shaking off whatever doubts she had for the situation. They always say to be optimistic right ? She placed her bet on a mild reaction, though her best case scenario would be total acceptance.

Finn and Rose craned their necks over their shoulders to glance at her, smiles poured on their faces. But Rey saw how their eyes wandered, looking for Ben in the near distance, unsure of how this situation would lead.

Seeing her with no company let the weight fall off their shoulders. "Hey Rey." Finn greeted, shimming down to give her space on the bench beside him.

Rey landed her tray on the metal table top. "How's your guys' day so far?" Initiating conversation like normal people felt strange - they didn't lead particularly normal lives.

"Well, after Finn taught me the basics of Dejarik, I figured I'd reach him some basic mechanic _stuff._" Rose smiled and threw a piece of veggie in her mouth.

"Wow, maybe he'll finally learn the difference between bonding tape and every other tool in a mechanics kit."

Finns mouth formed into an 'O' shape at the accusation, the obvious throwback caught him off guard. "Hey! you can't name random tools and expect me to know every one!"

Rose snickered at the banter, a refreshing sight clearly.

"Only one of the tools in the pile was a roll of tape." Rey grimaced widely and poked at her food, the rolling feeling of impending drama clouded her mind.

Finn and Rose shared a look between themselves. "What about you?"

"Nothing too exciting." She answered, shovelling a mouthful of food into her orifice so she wouldn't have to reply further - did she really have to work this particular kink out? This time she saw them share another look to each other. "What?"

"Nothing, just," Rose began, faltering for words, "we saw you two at that decommissioned gym."

Rey rose a brow at the implication and panned her gaze to fall on Finns silent face.

"Not like we were following you ..." He started, but seeing her opwn her accusing eyes for further explanation he spilled. "We definitely were, yeah. We just wanted to make sure you were safe, Rey! Who knows what prolonged exposure to him does."

"What does that even mean?" She scoffed and her brows met in the middle, anger prickling at her but she attempted to bury it deep. "And make sure I was _safe_? You know I can kick his ass in battle."

Finn chuckled awkwardly, knowing there were two paths this conversation could take. "While that's true..." He raised his hands and shrugged in an unknowing way. "I dunno - maybe I'm afraid he'll just mentally corrupt you."

"To do what?"

"I dont know... Evil things."

Rey just stared, raising a brow to physically say, _really?_

"Okay saying it out loud doesn't sound right - but you know what I mean!" He stuttered in an embarrassed manner. "That's what the First Order does - try and corrupt you!"

"You just proved my point, Finn!" Rey grimaced in a _gotcha _moment. "Kind of like how they kidnapped you as a child, brain washed you to believe their way was right. Kind of like Ben. Not, not kind of, a _lot _like Ben."

Silence draped over them.

Rose, surprisingly, had broken it. "Honestly, Rey..." She fought over the words hanging on the tip of her tongue. "I get it now."

"Really!?" Rey smiled broadly, but in the back of her mind she told herself to keep her wits about her.

"I thought about it last night actually." She started again, Finn listening intently. "I was a bit of a thick skulled ass the other day. I'm sorry it took me a bit to wrap my head around, but you're totally right about that point. That's exactly what the First Order did, play on peoples emotions, threaten them, do evil manipulative things. How are we surprised that ... _Ben_ .. was any different?"

Finn let out a puff of air.

Rey sighed a wavering sigh, and it was as if all the pent up emotions she had were let loose like steam out of a kettle.

"Yes exactly!" Rey craned her neck to peer at Finn. "She gets it."

"No, no... I get it too." He let out, prodding a veggie with his fork. "I get the concept, I mean I lived through it. I'm just finding it hard to believe this isn't just 'my side way losing, need to lay low for a bit' type deal with him."

_Okay, this is good progression._"Imagine if you and Rose could read each other's emotions." Rey tried a new approach, hoping to play on their raw passion for each other. She followed their faces, looking at each other with small coy smiles, it was so pure it made her stomach turn with delight. "What do you feel from Rose, without asking?"

A plain yet telling smile encroached on Finns face, silently placing his fork down on his plate. "I can tell she loves me."

Rey smiled broadly, and when they silently gushed at each other her smile grew even larger. She was most likely their biggest fan, and she felt the need to protect them at all costs. Seeing them smile made her heart soar. She could see her and Ben maybe one day be so public.

"I feel that with Ben as well." Their two faces looked at her quizically. "That raw emotion, when your gut and your head just know something _so_ firmly. We were there for each other in very dark times and I've seen him through one of the biggest transitions of his life, something nobody ever saw before. It's not all for nothing."

The couple glanced at each other briefly.

"I know it's a stretch from the first impression you made of him, but I believe Kylo Ren is far in the past, and now he's just existing and living a normal life." She found herself to be gushing - but who cared, really. "I don't know where I'd be without him honestly. Not to mention he was the one who pushed me to have a sit down with you guys."

Finn raised a skeptical brow. "Oh yeah?"

"Not kidding."

"Hmph." Finn nodded to himself silently, crossing his arms over his chest as his eyes glazed over in deep thought. Rey figured that was a better reponse in regards to his usual witty snap backs. "I thought he would have wanted to seclude you from us as much as possible... So that's good."

"I definitely thought he'd want us out of the picture." Rose agreed with a lenient look casting on her face.

Rey just wanted to engulf them both in a tight hug, her worry of herself being alienated was something she hated to think about, so the mere fact they're jumping on board was brilliant.

"I'm not going to forge you guys to be near him if you dont want to, but a chance is all I ask. He's going to be in my life a lot, and I hope despite that you two would like to keep me in yours."

Finn presented her with a kind, lovingly friendly smile - the kind Rey missed this past isolated while. "There's no way we'd do that. Hanging out one on one? Hell no ... for right now. I wouldn't mind if you guys sat with us for lunches."

"Yeah, I don't mind either. It'll be awkward of course, and I can't say I'm gonna be good at starting conversations but I wont fuss." Rose smiled at the two of them, all three giddy with their new found level of love and respect.

Rey tracked Ben down to the anomolous meadow between the cluster of trees. Although the sky had a roll of white clouds it was still quite warm out, and was the perfect time for him to stalk off away from the buzz.

"Hey you." She greeted with an outstretched hand, pushing away a thorny branch from her face with a small giggle.

Ben peered up at her, the small ray of light hitting his face illuminated his pools of brilliant brown. "You found me quick."

She shrugged and sat next to him, legs curled under her. A sense of relief washed over her - a feeking of protectiveness hung over her when apart, and after the last attack on him she felt on edge about his business.

"Where else would I have found you." She smiled pointedly at him, staring at him just fed the primal urge to crawl into his lap and curl up, to be doted on. "I talked to Finn and Rose."

Ben raised a brow. "Which one's Rose?"

Squinting, Rey shot him a look. "I dunno, the only girl in my small group of friends that you've seen?" He shrugged as a reponse. Typical, she didn't expect him to be fully read up on her inner circle. "They've come around! Well maybe not _fully_ but they definitely won't be charging out the cafeteria doors when we walk in!"

"Is that so?" He queried with a smile, or maybe it was a snide remark, she couldn't tell so she chose to ignore it. "Well that's good, it pays off to listen to me doesn't it?"

She rolled her eyes. "I was going to talk to them anyways okay... I'm not going to force you to do anything, but we shouldn't actively avoid them... Maybe even you could socialize so you won't get sick of me."

He grimaced at her remark. "As if that would happen."

Later that night Rey found herself in Bens bed once more, or as it were, _kind of_ her bed. Like it were her own she clambered on the sheets and peeled them away to dive inside, wrapping herself around the silken sheets, a welcoming cool feeling embraced her. Now if only someone would embrace her, she thought darkly to herself, watching him like a predator eyeing their prey. He stood changing out of his under shirt to expose his flesh to the conditioned room, unaware or uncaring of her eyes trained on him.

He padded toward her and she almost giddily folded the sheets and blankets away from his corner to allow him a smoother entrance. Whatever it would take to get him in the bed quicker. He lay with his back propped up on the pillows against the headboard, as if he wasn't ready to hunker down for the night, though he didn't seem off when she scanned him over.

"Aaaah." She sighed contently, wedging herself under his left arm, wrapping her arm over his abdomen and gluing her face to his upper chest. This is exactly where she wanted to be at this moment, and after her good talk with Finn and Rose she was in a particularly cheerful and loving mood. "This is nice."

Ben had now wrapped his arm around her but his free right hand trudged up a holopad from his bed side table. "It is." He commented, aiming his face down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead, right on her hairline. He returned to swiping the tablet on, the dim blue light shining through her closed eyelids, jerking her away from the melting heat stirring in her stomach.

Rey cracked her eyes open to stare at the tablet with an accusing look written on her face. What was so important he chose to read instead of her?

"Whatcha reading?" She whispered, poking her face forward to stare at the screen for info on what he was up to.

"News." He swiped to the next page with his finger. "Nothing too interesting. They've limited what I'm allowed access to so for now I'm stuck reading the same politcal unrest articles on some outer rim planets I've never heard of."

"Oh." She murmured, a ting of guilt flooded her.

"And don't forget the local celebrities." He stared down at her with a stoney expression. "I love reading about them."

With a laugh Rey sat up. "I imagine it's so very stimulating for you." She snagged the tablet from his clenched hand. "Here, I'll log you on with my account. You should be able to read anything you want.." She punched in the user and pass and with a smile, she handed it back to him, a much wider range of articles on the left column blipped on.

"Thank you." He smiled pointedly in her direction.

Rey leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

"You're welcome. Now if you dont mind, I'm gonna curl up the other way so you can read and I can sleep."

His brows twitched at the mere suggestion. "I do mind." Snaking his fingers to the back of her head he gently leaned her forward once again so their lips could meet, her palms placing against his chest.

They parted for a moment, presumably so they each could catch their breaths, and shared another passionate kiss not a second later.

Rey could feel her body yearn for more, what exactly that pertained to she wasn't quite sure but the urge to act on it invaded her, swarmed her thoughts.

Despite this she ended their kiss by slanting away slightly, pressing her cheek and forehead to his. Her cheeks were aflame and her body stirred with energy that begged to be released - it basically begged her like a starved animal for more. She wanted it _so bad_ but for now she could satiate it with kisses - but that was only until she was ready, and that wall was nearly broken down.

Ben let his hand slide down to her back where he allowed himself to pet her from her neck to her lower back rhythmically.

Rey could feel it on his breath, it was hot and fiery and passionate. She could sense the feeling through their bond, his primal urge surged and took over, ringing loud in her head. He wanted it too and there was to be no speculation on that, but over the course of a few seconds it began to fizzle out. They caught their breath and let reality check back in.

_I dont think I can contain myself next time._

She placed a delicate kiss on his cheek before curling up by his side, tugging the blankets just under her chin. She saw the dim blue lights of the tablet eminate onto the adjacent walls before she closed her eyes for good. "Goodnight."

Ben gave her head a loving scritch on her head. "Goodnight."

Rey fell asleep with a smile on her face that night.

xxx

_Okay readers there's gonna be stuff happening next chapter! Its hard trying to find a balance of writing too much info and too little, so this chapter was strung out a lot and for that I apologize!_

_ps. Would anyone be opposed to reading a lemon part in this story? I'm debating whether or not I'll do it hehe._

_Thanks for sticking with me! If you liked, please leave a review so I know! _


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